TAMPA BAY RAYS the Movie

"If you wrote this story as a Hollywood script and took it to a producer they would say it's too unbelievable". A Dan Dierdorfism that I hate but...

As a member of the RAYS (anti-Boston) bandwagon I need this Story to play out and the Rays to win the World Series (or just the ALCS) and if they follow through after the game 5 Boston Comeback, I will start my screen-play but first to assemble the cast.


COACH MADDEN. The quirky, enigmatic manger, who gets the young RAYS to channel their
own passion and energy to discover something more within themselves (montage?), played by Gene Hackmen (with fo-hawk implant)



















The EMERGING STAR B.J. Upton. The young slugger with all the talent on the planet but a chip on his shoulder who battles with adversity during the season and then comes through for his team when it matters most, played by rapper turned actor T.I.


















The ROOKIE Evan Longoria. The new kid on the block that burst on to the scene to give everyone hope, his child-like innocence and enthusiasm changes the teams chemistry and his "I don't know about what happened in the past" speech rallies the team for a big comeback just when the chips are down. Played by Sean William Scott (that's right Stiffler)



















The POWER MAN Carlos Pena. The Clean-up hitter with a small speaking role, but through-out the course of the season has some pivotal hits and homeruns. Played by another Pena, Carlos Pena (Crash).















The Question Mark, Carl Crawford. Would he be ready for the post season, would the "devil" come back to haunt this Ray. A much needed piece to the Ray line-up emerges with a couple of huge performances in the playoffs and key base hits in the clincher. Played by Cuba Gooding Jr (baby possibly also cast for dramatic effect)




















PITCHING STAFF, in Baseball Movies they only show one pitcher for every game played, I don't see "Big Game" James Shields or The "Cat" Scott Kazmir as being a guy the audience will connect with so I propose bringing back Kurt "wild thing" Vaughn to play a combination of the two. Played by Charlie Sheen (we could get him cheap, and he would be the second Hanes commercial guy in the cast)




RAYS NEMESIS'S, The characters are the main people in the Rays way as they try to become the Hallmark Card, Lifetime movie of the week, worst to first, win one for the little guy, Champs.


Ozzie Guillen: Played by Himself, his part of the movie would be done via green screen editing, we would just use the most ridiculous quotes and rants from Guillen and cleverly place all of them into context of the Rays Divisional series win over the White Sox. It would be kinda like those Coors Light commercials (Playoffs?).




















Kevin Youkilis, a constant thorn in the RAYS side, played using CG provided by Lucas Arts Soda Piniski. Youkilis also took his batting stance from Soda.


















Dustin Pedroia, I got this casting hint from a line-up reading made by Jonathan Pappelbon a few years ago. Pedroia is played by ESPN's John Clayton


















Coco Crisp, the fight with James Shields, the game winning hit in comeback, such an integral part of the movie, I also took this moment to cast what's hot right now, and following suit with the current Hollywood trend. Playing Coco will be a Capri Sun drinking Chihuahua. This thing has just gotten ridiculous.




















GO RAYS, win game Seven make the story complete..put the BOSOX bandwagon out of it's misery. All rights to RAYS MOVIE and its casting is officially retained by the first round bust. Leave a comment.....

Sunday Morning QB?

I think all the other days are taken by Peter King, so I'll out clever the rest of the field and write my thoughts on Sunday, So here goes my attempt to out think/last/play the rest of the field.

Let me start out by apologizing to my one follower, I am currently drafting my Terrel Owens is gay hypothesis, I wanted that to be this weeks post but it's coming across a little too negative for a piece that calls out a Football players sexuality. So let me puff it up a little bit, also after the Cowboys lose to the Cardinals and T.O. blows up emotionally at the post-game press conference it will be much more relevant.

That's right the Cowboys will lose to Arizona on the road I know it and so does Vegas they are only giving the Cards five points but take the all out win. Arizona has become a place that is hard to win at for everybody, remember last year when the Steelers came in to University of Phoenix Stadium and lost. Oh and University of Phoenix stadium, has to be one of the cleverest stadium marketing ploys in history. U of Phoenix isn't a city or state college of Arizona it's a Nationally credited Corporate college (the wealthiest) with online and remote campuses nation wide and by buying the naming rights to a stadium in Phoenix, AZ they gave themselves even more street cred by duping people into thinking "oh yeah they're a real college, they have that stadium in Arizona where the Cardinals play". Even though they don't have a football or a campus....their marketing team however BRILLANT!





Being a Green Bay Packers fan I hate the Bears and everything they stand for, now as I sit her Kyle Orton just threw a Game Winning TD to beat the Falcons (who are coming off a win against my Pack). That means the Bears are going to be atop the NFC Norris, something that makes every Packer fans blood curdle. We can have losing seasons just as long as the Bears are right there with us, but that rarely happens considering the Lions have been terrible for the past decade and the Vikings are choke artists. Wait a minute, a reason to rejoice Matt Ryan just threw a 40yd pass and catch and the WR got out of bounds setting up a game winning last second field goal. Jason Elams kick just beat the Bears, there is a god.
I hate the Bears so much, when I lived briefly in Chicago I was riding home on the train after the last game played at the original Soldier Field you'll (or I will) remember that they lost that game to the Eagles in first round of the Playoffs. So while extremely intoxicated I walked the entire length of the train insulting Bears fans as they hung their heads in defeat. I also almost got into a fight with some 35 year old read headed man with a mullet wearing a Rashaan Salam jersey. Great times. Back to the Falcons they will uphold the Worst to First trend of the NFC South, great running game with Turner, emerging young QB/WR tandem with Matty Ice and Roddy White, and a improved defense, that's my not-so-bold week 6 prediction.


The "Shock of the Week" just happened St. Louis just beat the Redskins, I love when everyone starts picking you as an "elite" team, you are almost guaranteed to go out and lay an egg. The Rams won because Washington did something they hadn't done all season turn the ball over.

Update: Arizona 7 Dallas 0, go U of PHX!

Another shocker? Miami got out Wildcatted by Matt Schaub who is thanking Sage Rosenfels for deflating any QB controversy in Houston by turning over the ball like he was Stephon Marbury.



Update: Back to Back fumbles AZ ball!

The Packers are going into a must win in Seattle, Matt Hassleback is out of the lineup for the Sea-shits, which is good for the Pack our D Fence needs all the help we can get. Aaron Rodgers is playing through the shoulder injury a-la B.Favre and it's neccesary because his back-ups are Matt Flynn and Brian Brohm. I didn't even think these guys were that great in college so A-Rod playing through the pain, you are quickly becoming my new "guy". Replacing my old "guy", and I always get that question from my friends "do you miss Brett Favre? Yes, and No.
I love Favre and always will, he gave me more reason to shout out loud and dance in my living room than I think any other person will possibly do again but it's weird now. I have a new girlfiriend I'm happy with, with the way Aaron Rodgers leads the team, and his success, and now that Bret's a Jet it seems he not as magical as he once was. Watching Bret play, there is just something off, he's not at Lambeau, he's not in Green and Gold, and the love affair with a city and a team that fed off him is gone. Packers win by 20 today, and we get back into our Divisional race hopefully the running game gets started and the O-line (Tauscher) stops killing drives with penalties. That is my Sunday wish.

Update: I almost forgot playing in Phoenix is like a Dallas home game there is more cheering for Big D in the U of PHX stadium than for the Cards, it's a weird dynamic. Everyone, I mean everyone jumped on the Dallas bandwagon in AZ during the 90's with Aikman and Emmit. You will see more Blue in the stadium than red today, South Side Crips vs Bloods matchup, shit son.


Last but not least, San Diego vs New England. There is bad blood in San Diego towards the Patriots, people in SD can't stand the Pats. The bandwagon of SD has been infuriated by the Pats beating them twice in the Playoffs, and then rubbing it in each time. The Merriman sack dance by the Pats in Qualcomm on the logo added insult to injury and prompted LT to call Bellicheck out as a coach. That game (amongst him no longer talking to the GM) got Marty Schottenhimer fired. Then next season the Pats blew out the Chargers in week three, "the wagon" demanded Norv Turner's head, and started to question the Chargers front office. Then after both teams reached the AFC Championship game the injured Chargers limped into the Razor and nearly beat the Pats. But in the loss LT kept his helmet on like he was in a Vizio commercial watching the game. This also drew some scrutiny from the bandwagon, and LT took the criticism personally. What does this all mean, this is a must win game for the Chargers, these games have a way of impacting the entire team and city and If they win will energize the Bolts in a positive way, or end their season this time by way of San Diego Wildfires part III that starts with and Arson at Jack Murphy. Also the Chargers next few games are tough,travel to Buffalo and then travel to London against the Saints in the Brees (someone who knows first hand San Diego scrutiny) bowl. My prediction is San Diego puts it's overrated DBs on and island and brings the house against Cassel who will burn them occasionally but will also make some bad decisions. Phil Rivers will light it up against the Pats but the Chargers can't start slow, it seems that Norv Turner doesn't really let Rivers let it fly till the 3rd and 4th quarter. The Chargers need a lead early and to force some INTs and they win the "must have" game. Madden selects Phil Rivers as horse trailer POG.

Update: Romo is getting squashed but just threw a TD, hopefully Warner can get the Red Birds some points before the half. Go U of PHX!

that's it for the SUNDAY QB! oh wait Cowboys just got a fumble on the Kick, crowd of Bandwagon Cowterds in Phoenix go wild. SHIT.

University of Hawaii Minute....
Warriors beat La Tech and I didn't get drunk at the game and scream at fellow fans, players and refs (well refs a little). The Warriors won and lost, the June Jones era of football is officially bled out of the playbook and team, June would have hung a Hundy on the Techies but its Greg Mc "Mak attack" ball and this team runs the football. A wins a win but people in Hawaii are confused. Highlight of the night: college kid running away from a police officer after getting caught on the field. He jumped back into the stands and and broke for the exit only to get tackled by fans seated in the isle seats, not once but twice. I saw a 50 year old Asian man use perfect tackling technique that resulted in a loss of down for the kid. Who is most likely going to be picking up trash on campus rather than boozing at a tailgate next weekend..play losing price is right sound byte here.


Last thing MAH-NE MAH-NE, I have sent this test message during the Dodgers games repeatedly I hope I dial it up tonight as the Dodgers crawl back into the series.....




If you read this write a comment.........

The First Round....

I am Ryan Leaf, Kwame Brown and the equivalent to this years fantasy pick of Tom Brady. I think the name of this blog is a first round bust, I'm sure I will probably like to rename this shit in a few weeks. You never think of clever shit when you want to, but the name came to me when I was listening to ESPN radio driving home and they were doing their typical "who is", "what is" gap filler segment. If your not catching the Herd or PTI then you usually get a panel of dipshits who have little relevance or inside knowledge of sports or people, and they are the usual suspects who conduct these debates. Anyways the debate was "who is" the biggest first round bust? The common names and faces flash to mind you can picture Ryan Leaf holding that San Diego Chargers #1 Jersey. Leaf, Vick, Qwame, that dude taken over Jordan, every Heisman trophy winner who doesn't ever live up to the hype come up (but how can you ever live up to Heisman Hype, too much hype put into the Heisman). So I started thinking in a weird twisted way how has ESPN "the ocho" or FSN not capitalized on a Reality show starring all of these has been, never will be guys. I mean they already do it with the "whatever happened to" actor, so why not the "what ever happened to" athlete. When they get voted off the show you could "retire" their jersey, the closest they will ever come the that "honor", the winner will immediately win the Head Coaching Job of the Raiders, Knicks, or Royals. I mean why not the owners of these teams have already lost it just go all the way. Or maybe we could get all of these athletes to push the stakes a little bit, a little bit more that RWRR challenge. Do some suedo survivor stuff where they only to get food or fire by completing the skills they were drafted to excel at. Ryan Leaf would have to complete passes for food while Mike Vick would just have to not become imprisoned by the other island inhabitants after they discover his island wide Ferrel cat fighting ring. Some Battle Royale or just put them all on a plane telling them they are going to be honored at the only place that still gives a shit about them their local high schools and after getting to 30,000 the pilot parachutes out. I think a lot while driving and listening to ESPN radio, I read too many Sports Magazines and Sportscenter is on IV drip. So here it goes I will grab that Jersey put on that cap and head to the Podium, hopefully I don't end up on that same plane. Odds say I will.........another BUST!